Saturday, April 25, 2009

Big Son the prude...

I have to share this with you all because I laughed myself sick yesterday, only after I was mortified because of somthing Big Son said and did.. Big Son and I went to town together. He was home from school not feeling very well and I needed to go to town for some parts for the farm - we're in the field now so things are breaking left and right - anyway... We stopped at the store. I have to explain to you all that we are a loud family, yes THAT family. The ones who talk loud even for no reason, or the ones that yell down the aisle such things as - Do You Here Me? or the favorite - JUST WAIT TILL WE GET HOME!! yup, its us... BUT, in our defense I think it comes from working cattle, around loud machinery and distances from one another. Ya have to yell back and forth to be heard while working cattle or running machinery OR because you have only so much energy and walking 200 yards to tell someone something while your picking rock, is just to much work. Rocks stink in case anyone was wondering... now that I have explained that, here is my story.

It all takes place in the produce aisle of the local mega-store that I wont name.... I am ogling the fresh produce, because honestly people I don't get out much. Other than a parts run, I shop very little. Big Son takes off a few steps ahead of me in search of a couple of items that I needed while I stop to fondle the artichokes - they are neat little buggers arent they - a few seconds later I hear this "HEY MOM" He's about 25ft away from me and there are at least 6 other woman standing around groping the produce - of course we ALL look because, well we were all moms.....need I explain that? I doubt it.. the only other person there was a 'produce guy' and he was stocking the grapes. The produce guy keeps stocking his grapes as the women all turn to Big Son. Big Son stands holding 2 huge white onions and says the following "These are as big as Fritzie's nuts" (Fritzie is our Angus Bull)..... *crickets chirp* all the women turn to look at me and the 'grape guy' - turns to look at Big Son. I am SURE he had to see just HOW BIG they are. I wanted to crawl UNDER the tile but no go - I just smiled and shook my head at him like I completely understood, which I did but that's beside the point. Thank God at least 1 of the women must have been a farm/country wife/mom cuz she started to smile then laughed. The other woman gave me the - what do you teach your kids eye-roll and kept shopping. The grape guy, well - I think he must have been comparing the grapes to the onions, cuz he had a grin on his face too.. it's a guy thing.
After the onion incident, I don't think I will be able to shop for onions again without laughing my head off. I know every time I cut an onion I will think of Fritzie... What is so funny to me is not only what he said and did, but the fact that he is a PRUDE! I believe in being modest, no short shorts, no 'crop tops' or low rise jeans that your butt crack hangs out like Earl the plumber - but Big Son is worse. He wont go in the ladies underwear section with me, but he will talk about bull nuts. He hates bra commercials and says 'That is disrespectful, you never see men walking around in the shorts (underwear) and lets not discuss 'feminine' commercials - he leaves the room. He wont look at girls with cleavage hanging out, but likes a well dressed woman and will comment on how nice/pretty she looks.I know most of that is his age, but it's funny how one child can differ so much from the other. The other day Lispy was watching an old movie that we taped, it had commercials in it and one was a Hanes commercial with the lady in her bra, undies and a mans shirt on like a house coat. He said 'Mamma, does that yady (lady) have a baby?" I said I didnt know and asked why - He said "Cuz her thirt (shirt) is open an her tidder's (titter) is sticking out".... good grief.... I guess I must have done that at some point in time, but I sure dont remember it...

Anyway, enough body talk - I have an informational section too...


This is what a staff meeting looks like at the farm....

The CEO is on the right and the VP is on the left... I sleep with the VP in case you were wondering....

This is our bail wagon. We haul big round bales on it. The Milk Man made this himself, yes he IS good at things other than makeing beautiful little boys. He can weld a mean bead.... for those who dont weld, a bead is what you call weld after its cooled...

We can haul 17 bales that weigh 800-850lbs on this bugger. There are unloading chains on it and the running gear is heavy duty to support the weight. Its our own design and he did ALL of the work himself. It works great and saves lots of time. When it unloads you have to drive ahead slowly as the drive chains unload the bales - pretty neat huh?



Well, I have to get the boys up for breakfast so I better call this good!!

19 comments:

Living on the Spit said...

Halarious post sister.

Having alot of kids makes you loud...I should know. We are that family as well.

One time we were all in the grocery store...me, a 7 year old pushing the 3 year old in a cart, a five year old walking beside my cart holding a 2 year old and the 1 year old in front.

I asked the 7 year old to walk go one aisle over to get some forgotten paper towels...all of the sudden, I hear, "incoming!!!" as she has thrown the paper towels with quarterback precision from one aisle to the next...and knocking over the top row of dill pickles IN GLASS JARS!!!

Yes, the store never appreciated it all that much, when I came to do grocery shopping.

We are that family, all grown up now.

BTW...I was super excited when I knew that a beed was from a weld!!! There is farm hope in me yet.

Miss Annie Sew and Sew said...

Is this the order page? I would like 1 bale rack, 2 onions, one big son (to go), a Lispy, and a Milk Dud. I think there is still hope for Milk Dud. The others I need for entertainment purposes only!!
Previous post...too funny! Good thing it was only the top row!!!Someday I will have to post about when my hubby was little and they were at the furniture store, and he had to go to the bathroom...

Heide said...

I'd be willing to bet Fritzie's left onion that my girls would be louder than your charming young men. My husband doesn't even go to the store with us anymore... not that he has much in the way of manners, he sneaks out silent farts (that still smell) down each and every aisle. At least people give us a wide berth, regardless of which family member goes with me.

Can you patent that unloader and sell the design? That is totally cool. My dad is a cranberry farmer. It's a completely different type of operation, but he has made some amazing machinery over the 47 years to make his job easier. We can't get him to even consider patenting anything though because he's an "Awe shucks" kind of guy.

Well, my first cup of coffee is nearing the bottom and I need to pull on some shoes and head out to the grocery store... with my girls. We try to go early while many proper folks are still abed.

ellie k said...

When my son(now 40) was little he sneaked cat food from the bowl when he had a chance. One day at the grocery I picked up a bag of cat food and he said very loudly I don't like that kind of cat food, I like the blue bag. The other people looked at me like there kids didn't eat strange things. He is career military now and said he has eaten things far stranger then cat food.

Mrs Mom said...

LMAO... Oh Heidi... *gasp* giggle chortle...

I love that child. Wait- I love ALL your childs! ;) You rock Heidi. Totally. Rock.

Nice bale wagon too. Milk Man best get a patent on that- for real.

Loves to you all! Smooch those babies from me!

Susan said...

Oh Heidi, too funny! Thanks for stopping by my blog, and yes, I will definitely be ready for one of Heidi's pies!!

COFFEE MAN said...

A Man After My Own Heart ! That is EXACTLY why the candle lady WONT let me go shopping with her anymore , cause i LOOk for stuff like that !

* HIGH FIVES OLDEST*

Embarrass mom as Often as you can lil fella , she deserves it !

Mama Hen said...

Okay, that is the best. Hilarious. But what are you going to do? Laugh or cry? You might as well laugh.

Thanks for visiting my blog. I hope you come back and visit soon. I love your blog and as I have boys myself I totally understand.

Ye Merrie Quilter said...

The most creative people I know are farmers, ya know? Most of them are not able to go out and buy something, or find that it's not adequate for the job. I call these guys "Thing Makers". These are the guys who say, 'I need this thing that does this...' and they go make it. Go ahead and apply for a patent. It could make you a million! Or a quarter of a million...or maybe a quarter. :)
Kids are awesome! I never stop being surprised at what they say.

Greenmare said...

love the onions!! that is one awesome wagon!!! Now that is what I call art!

Greenmare said...

oh and it doesn't end with children. My in laws were shopping one day and my mother in law wanted fruit. dad in law handed her a banana and two kiwis. I think you can picture the arrangement yourself?

Kris said...

This post made me bust a gut. Yes, farm kids are different. Our bus driver had to take DH aside and ask him to please speak to our kindergartner, as he had gone into great detail about how lambs were made... I say its better for the kids in the long run!

Willow Witch said...

That wagon is FANTASTIC, I know someone who would love to have that wagon or one like it... BIG TIME... As for the produce, UM... How did you not just pee your pants? LOVE these boys, Nate is not shy and that boy puts me in some funny spots...

Nina Diane said...

great story! gotta love kids. And hey, maybe I'm a member of your family...I'm loud too!

Lisa said...

Ha! Lispy and the "tidders" had me laughing hysterically!

LDF said...

I had embarrassingly matter-of-farm-facts and LOUD kids too. When the 4 of them were growing up, I used to wish I -- an only child who grew up in a very silent house -- could crawl under a rock. Now that they're all grown and on their own, I kinda miss the stuff they came out with at the top of their lungs! Enjoy your young lads, Heidi. They too soon grow up!

April said...

Who's the funny girl? Who's the funny girl? Heidi's the funny girl!

I would love to hear your little boy talking with that lisp.

bayouwoman said...

Tickled. I'm just tickled by his observation and remark!!! I love it!! You made me laugh out loud and that's not cool because I'm in a doc's waiting room where the sign says "please speak softly"!!! Anyway, funny funny stuff!
BW

DayPhoto said...

You made me laugh and laugh and laugh! I like to come here, because you are so you!

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com/